Effortless

One of the best parts of witnessing our story unfold was sharing the fabulous testimony. I will never get tired of telling our story. It was so perfectly written, and as the details continue to unfold, I become even more amazed and faith filled. I have been smiling for 5 weeks straight now!

One of my good friends made the comment about how effortless it has been for us. And a light immediately went off, YES, that’s it, EFFORTLESS! If I could describe in one word how this process has gone so far, it would have to be effortless. And that means so much to me, coming from a girl who has been struggling with many aspects of her life for years now. Infertility, weight loss, health issues. All of it was a struggle, emotionally, financially, physically, I felt tormented some days. But almost magically, since day one of when we learned about this adoption, it has all been effortless. The initial news, the correspondence, the meet-up, getting resources such as referrals for our attorney, it was all handed to me. Even down to the details of finances. Of course there’s still legal fee’s and medical fee’s and other expenses involved, but this is really the best case scenario for us even in regards to the  financial aspect of the adoption.

I believe when we are in the divine flow of life, that’s when things begin to happen, with ease. We must be open and receptive to the ideas, people and opportunities surrounding us or presenting themselves. When we are receptive, then these beautiful experiences can flow through us. It’s always available, but sometimes we have to let go of the struggle, of the reigns, and need to control. I believe it is only then that we might discover all the endless opportunities that present themselves, and may have been presenting themselves all along.

I really thought I had all the answers to my problems. I thought I could “fix” all of my various issues doing what I felt was best. Infertility treatments, regular diet & exercise programs, allopathic medicine. What worked for everyone else, I couldn’t quite figure out why it wasn’t working for me. But in hindsight, much of what I did, never really resonated with me…..and that’s when I began to  make changes. I began to pray and I opened my mind to and explored different options. Yes maybe calories in/calories and gym worked for everyone else, I was told it should work for me too, but it didn’t. Yes, fertility treatments allow many couples and single woman to grow their families, but it didn’t work for us.  Treating my health using traditional doctors, well that didn’t necessarily work for me either. I had to keep my mind and heart open to other possibilities. It turns out naturopathy works best for me. My health is better now than it has been in many, many years. And the weight loss, well it took many years of many people and even my naturopath doctor recommending the HCG protocol before I was able to successfully lose weight, (which by the way was the easiest protocol I had ever followed). As far as growing our family, well it seems that adoption was how that was supposed to happen.

We cannot dictate to others what they should do or how they should live their lives. What works for one of us may not for another, or they just might not be there yet in their journey, there are valuable lessons along the way. It’s the experiences we have that gets us to our destination, not someone telling you what you should or shouldn’t do. But I do believe when we finally do get into the divine flow of life, that it gets easier. It’s almost as though God is handing you everything saying “here you go, my beautiful child”. That’s what this part of my life feels like..... graceful, easy, natural……..effortless.  

The Day Our Lives Changed

It was a beautiful Monday morning. I was driving into work, admiring my new route since we moved into our new home. We moved into an area that is still filled with green pastures, farms and a very small town charm. It's almost like a time warp. Our community is newly developed in the middle of the countryside. Only 12 miles from work and 5 short miles from civilization. It's very refreshing and appealing to be immersed in nature. I consider myself more of a city girl, but I just might be a country girl at heart. Sometimes when driving down the old beat up back road, we stop to watch the cows graze and baby calfs follow their mom & pop around the pastures.

On this particular day, Monday, May 13th, I stopped to take a photo of the sky. It was remarkable, rays shining through the clouds, it really serves as a reminder to me how great our God is. Although the photos really never capture the incredibleness of the moment, I posted it on Facebook with a caption that read "This is the day that The Lord has made, let us rejoice in it". That was truly what I felt in my heart looking up at the sky and feeling an overwhelming sense of well being at that very moment.

A few minutes into the drive, I started thinking about a friend who struggled with infertility over the years and recently had an adoption literally fall into her lap. It was a gift that fell from the skies above. After years of the awful pains of infertility she finally had her take home baby! I thought to myself, if a baby fell into our laps, like it did for her, I would do it, I would adopt. I didn't have what it took emotionally (or even financially) to go through the standard agency adoption program. Not that I wasn't open to adoption, it was just the idea of investing another year into setting up a profile, waiting for a match and then hopefully bringing home a baby. After spending the last 4.5 years in the infertility trenches, the idea of investing ourselves into the adoption process just wasn't appealing.  

A few hours into my work day, I went to my lunch time yoga class. After returning to my desk, I found a message from my dear friend and coworker, Libby. She was asking if I knew anybody that wanted to adopt, as there was a crisis situation that needed potential adoptive parents immediately. It was a local teenage girl who was going to terminate her pregnancy if she didn't find someone to adopt her baby, right away. My friend reached out to me specifically because she knew I had a strong presence in the infertility community and could reach out to a large audience rather quickly. I read her message and immediately reflected back on my thoughts that morning, during my commute. Could it be possible that my "prayers" we're answered that quickly?! I replied without hesitation, and then immediately contacted Frank to see what his thoughts were. He agreed that we simply couldn't turn our backs on the situation and should explore the possibility further. I was instantly put in contact with the birth-moms mother. We emailed and then spoke on the phone the following day. We decided that it was best that we meet-up and share a meal that upcoming weekend so we could discuss the situation further.

It was a long week, I was so nervous and anxious to meet Halie and her mom. I was hoping they loved us, we loved them equally as much,  and there would be a connection between Halie and I. In the interim, I just sat in awe over what had occurred and all the writing on the wall. When I asked for more details, I had an email forwarded to me which had a subject line "update on Kim's daughter" (Kim is Halie's mothers name). The day I spoke to Halie’s mom, Frank received an email at work, with his company sending an explanation of ......adoption benefits. During that week, I also found out that Halie’s due date was Dec 25th. Not to mention, Halie’s mom, the facilitator of all of this, worked directly across the street from my work! All of this couldn't possibly be coincidences. Gods fingerprints were all over it! 

On Sunday May 19th, we met Halie and her mom Kim for dinner. They are both very kind and sweet souls. We shared stories and got to know each other a bit. I left there feeling somewhat relieved that a major hurdle was over but now it was time to wait again. Halie had an appointment scheduled with an agency. Her mom felt it was important that she explored all options. Agencies can offer some additional benefits over private adoptions. They have access to tons of resources and added benefits that you might not be able or offer legally in a private adoption. Of course there is also hefty price tag associated with that, so while we wanted Halie to do what was best for her, we also knew that an agency would be out of the question for us if she decided to go that route. Her appointment was scheduled for June 1st. Before we parted, I gave Halie a letter I had written for her, and we said or good-byes.

The waiting phase had begun, and while I was eager for the day to come, so Halie could decide which path she wanted to pursue, I wasn't feeling anxious at all. I felt calm and at peace. During this waiting phase, I had been in  contact with both Kim and Halie...via email and text, multiple times.

On Tuesday, May 21st, only a couple days into the wait...I received a text from Halie’s mom asking if I could talk. She called me shortly thereafter and started crying before I could really understand what she was saying. Earlier that day we were emailing and she let me know how worried she was if Halie didn't choose us, she knew how heart breaking that would be and she didn't want to see that happen to us. I immediately thought the worst and my heart sunk to my stomach. Imagine my surprise when she blurted out "Halie wants you and Frank to be her baby's parents!" 

Tears began flowing, I was so overjoyed! I couldn't believe it, Halie decided already and we wouldn't have to go through the treacherous two week wait! After 50 some negative cycles, it was the first time I received great news during a two week wait!

"Prov. 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. Prov. 3:6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will direct your paths."

Halie and her mom want an open adoption, that means that she will get to be part of the baby’s life. To what extent has yet to be determined but we will come up with a trust agreement that everyone feels comfortable with. She is currently 10 weeks along. This means I will get to be part of the entire pregnancy! Attending appointments and bonding with Halie. This is a dream come true for me! I love how perfect her situation and ours are a beautiful match made in heaven!

It's going to be long road with many ups and downs, we are both fully aware of what a volatile situation we are dealing with. This might frighten some away, but I believe that regardless of the situation, God will protect our hearts. When you are faith filled, there is nothing to fear. 

We are going to be parents! God had a special plan for us all along. He was never telling us no, he was simply saying "not now". Please join us on our journey as Gods perfect plan unfolds. Our baby is growing in Halie’s belly and in our hearts. What a beautiful precious gift we will receive!