Since infertility struck, I have become a very numbers centric girl. Statistics, cold hard facts, - a big dose of reality which often felt like a big slap in the face. I couldn't ignore the numbers, they taunted me. When we saw one of our first IVF doctors, we were told that we had a 10% chance of getting pregnant WITH treatments. It’s a pretty devastating number to hear, yet hope always prevails. But I think for self preservation purposes – I always quoted that statistic to myself and others, as a reminder to remain realistic, to keep my hopes under control. I didn't want to be disappointed if the treatments didn't work, I wanted to walk through the doors with a very cautiously optimistic attitude. That was always such a struggle for me, because I believe being hopeful and positive was equally important as being realistic. The odds simply were not in our favor. And the outcome aligned with that, after several failed treatments, we were not one of the lucky 10%.
Then the possibility of adoption came along, something we had considered but had to choose between the fertility treatments and adoption. And while the “success rates” were slightly better with adoption, they still weren't’ guaranteed let alone all that more impressive. So we took a gamble with the hopes that we would get multiple attempts with our one and only IVF cycle if we had frozen embryos. Again, the odds were against us, but we took a gamble anyway, to no avail.
When I heard news of the adoption, it never occurred to me that we would once again be dealing with not so favorable stats. After contacting our attorney, I was informed that there was a 70% chance that the adoption would not happen based on historical data. Statistics showed that 70% of first time teenage moms change their minds about adoption before the adoption is finalized. So once again we were faced with a high risk factor, however this time our chances of success tripled to a mere a 30 % success rate. As ridiculous as that sounds, I was still a bit hopeful that even with a mere 30% chance of placing, we might finally become parents.
In hindsight the odds were against us at ever having a family. Of course people beat the odds everyday but when you’re dealing with your health, your future, your dream (or shattered dreams) – the numbers just weren't looking good. Yet I now realize that our God, He is better than statistics or numbers. He knew it was our hearts desire to grow our family, and He made it happen, in spite of all the stupid statistics.
I know sometimes the numbers can be frightening. I realize between the statistics, the repeated failed cycles or placements, that the chances of growing your family seem to diminish by the day and look impossible. I want you to know that our God is greater than any odds out there. Keep your faith, keep praying, keep hope alive. I don’t care if you are 40 years old, if you have been trying for 10 years, if you are broke and don’t see how its financially possible. Just keep believing that if you have a dream in your heart, God will bring it to fruition. He will see you through it.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
I realize I have not posted in a very long long. So a quick sidebar…mommy hood is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me, aside from marriage. Jacskon is a wonderful child with a very calm cool demeanor. He is a joy to be around! He is going to be 5 months old. He had both his lower two teeth come through last week, within days of each other. I am pretty certain his upper two will cut soon as well! He is a great sleeper, been sleeping through the night since 12 weeks old (we sleep trained) and he is a great eater too! He has been sick quite a bit since starting daycare, so I feel awful about that, but I suppose it’s to be expected. I just don’t know where the days go. In the blink of an eye, he’s nearly half way to one year old. I definitely try to be in the moment and savor every second I get to be with him. I promise my next post will be all about him!