Thursday, October 31, 2013

An Unobstructed View

Halie and I completed our four week birthing classes last Thursday night. The classes were fun and I really enjoyed my time with her, although there were a few occasions that I felt bad for her. The class is couple centric and so there were some situations where we role played  the labor and all the hubby's were sway dancing with their pregnant wives and there stood Halie and I. I still did it for her, but it was definitely awkward. 

Halie has never once complained and has remained consistent through out this entire pregnancy. She has handled herself with grace and poise, I am really impressed with her maturity considering it all. I'm not sure how to feel about the fact that she has not changed her mind once throughout the entire process, I am inclined to feel thankful. Remember the lawyers office warned us upfront 70% of first time moms change their minds. By the grace of God, I still don't worry about this possibility. As I have said time and time again, if nothing more happened than we saved lamb chops life and got Halie through this pregnancy, then so be it, we have done what He has asked us to do.

On our last night of birthing class, our instructor Linda, who we hope is our nurse, stayed behind to help us go over the birth plan. She provided some guidance as neither Halie or I know what takes place in labor & delivery. We finished the birth plan and just need to meet with the L&D Director to wrap up some of the final details. 

Halie has a Dr appointment this Thursday and every week hereafter until lambchop arrives. She is due December 9th, but is going to ask to be induced sooner, I am not sure what the Dr's policy is on this, but from what I understand, they allow it up to a week early, without medical reason. If it gets approved, then he could be here by December 2nd. In all honesty, I hope they don't - but I understand why Halie wants a bit of more controlled situation, so I don't blame her for wanting to be induced. I have read the risks of doing so and there are risks for both mom and the baby, so it makes me a bit apprehensive. 

My nesting instincts (or panic) have kicked in. Less than five weeks is enough to make any expecting mom & dad squirm a little. I feel so unprepared, yet we have made much progress with our home study, setting up my registry and began arranging for a replacement at work while I am out. We also began cleaning out the nursery and I'm trying to finish reading some baby books that were loaned to me.

Right now, our top priorities are to finish some more paperwork before our homestudy next week. To purchase our pack & play and car seat to bring lambchop home in and have a place for him to sleep, and to purchase and pack our hospital (diaper) bag. I'm glad that I typed that out, because in my head it seems like so much more, but in reality we can get that all done next weekend. 

We have chosen his name, we just have to come up with a middle name. Hopefully
that is easier and less time than his first name took. As of now, we are not sharing his name. I like the surprise element! 

I was driving to work the other morning, looking across the field at the sunrise, it was unobstructed view. It reminded me of this adoption journey and how it appears to be so similar as the extended view across the fields....we have been privileged to the same unobstructed view of lamb chops journey into this world. Halie has allowed me to take her to every single Dr appointment, go through birthing classes together and spend time with her regularly, I cannot begin to express the thankfulness and gratitude in my heart as we begin the final month of waiting for our little one, as he grows inside his momma's belly and prepares to make his arrival into this world and our lives. 

Sent from my iPad
Saturday, October 5, 2013


It's pretty surreal to sit here on the patio watching the sunset on this beautiful early October evening and imagine that in fifty six days we could be meeting and bringing our son home, who, by the way, remains nameless right now.

Fifty six days!!!

I am growing more and more anxious as the days quickly pass by and the baby becomes the center of our daily lives and future plans. Appointments, researching car seats and feeding options, it's all I live and breathe these days. I feel like I should have it all figured out by now, yet I don't. I feel like we are taking so many steps to prepare, yet we are so unprepared. I feel like we have been waiting a lifetime to meet our son, yet we just celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary in August.

Halie and I began birthing classes last night and today we went to her thirty week appointment. Saturday we will get to see the little one on a screen in 4D imaging, a gift from Halies mom to us.  We are so excited to see him again, it's been some time since our last sonogram.

Halie has experienced a great pregnancy. No issues, no morning sickness....she does have back discomfort but for the most part that's it. I am happy for her that she didn't have to suffer through the pregnancy although I think she's ready for it to be over soon. She is very afraid of labor and the pains, I would be to, honestly. I wish she didn't have to go through that, but she will. And while I can't take away any of her physical and emotional pain she will experience...I will do my best to ease her mind and heart in any way I can before, during and after the adoption. I believe the best gift we can give her is the absolute certainty that she made the right decision when she chose us. I want her to feel confident in her heart and mind that her baby boy will be deeply loved and cared for.

We have a few things to wrap up in the upcoming weeks. We need to finalize our birthing plans and also discuss what the open adoption will look like. "Open adoption" is a loose term, it could mean sending pictures and updates, or it could mean actual visits in addition to the updates. Halie and I will try to figure out what ours will look like. She and her family will absolutely be seeing the that I have met and bonded with them, I simply cannot see my life without them, baby or not. I love Halie and her mom. I love lambchop. I love that she has chosen us to parent her son. I love how God has beautifully orchestrated every detail of this story. I love my husband for having the courage and love to walk this path with me.

Adoption is not for the faint at heart. I have never felt more vulnerable in my life, we take risks every day with our hearts, but for some reason this feels like the biggest leap of faith I have ever taken....I have never felt more vested, aside from marriage. Yet it's also the biggest test of faith there is, knowing that your heart can be crushed in ways it never has before, but also knowing that God will be there by your side no matter what. I visualize us standing on the edge of a cliff, God in the center, holding both our hands, and jumping with us. He has been with us every step of the way and will continue to be for the rest of our days.

“Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.”  ― Corrie ten Boom