Libby and I were having one of many discussions about the impending adoption, and she used the word obey to describe my actions, and then I realized, I am obedient, to God.
God has asked me to proceed with this adoption. He presented it to me and I accepted. It's easy to get ahead of ourselves and presume because He asked me to do this, that we know the outcome. We don't. We don't know why, we don't know how it's going to end just yet. We will very soon. I realized two very important things this past week. How presumptuous I was being assuming the outcome and that really all I was called to do was obey.
And so I quickly discovered, that I am ok with both. I am at peace with however this unfolds, and I am also happy to obey our heavenly father. For the first time in my life, I have felt His calling. I am certain He has called on me many times before, however it is with certainty that I am doing His work, and I am not attached to the outcome. I am committed, but I am not attached. When you trust and have faith that He is your everything, then you are certain that He would never do anything to harm you. Sometimes we get so attached to a particular outcome that we aren't in the moment experiencing the joy of the here and now. Our eye is on the prize, the end result. As I told Halie's mom the other day, baby or no baby, I feel blessed. I have experienced a pregnancy through Halie. I have bonded and fallen in love with her beautiful spirit. If that was all that came out of this, then I have already received an amazing gift. It's truly an honor to serve and obey Him.
“I find the doing of the will of God leaves me no time for disputing about His plans.” ~ George Macdonald