When I first found out about Halie and the adoption, I immediately got a referral for an adoption attorney. I spoke with him on several occasions to try and determine what the process looks like, cost and risks. He made it very clear that when a teenage girl becomes pregnant with her first child, and decides to place the child for adoption, that she will change her mind at least once during the process, if not several times. To me that was very understandable, it's an emotional time, and not just that, who wouldn't second guess placing their first born child for adoption? I think any one of us would.
That part of the discussion wasn't quite as alarming as the statistics provided. I think it's easy to forget that the odds are not stacked in your favor when you get wrapped up in the adoption process. For so many years, you dream of having a child, and finally a perfect situation falls into your lap. Every detail about it is perfect...down to the birth mother resembling you. The ability to do open adoption and experience the pregnancyvicariously through her. It all seems so perfect. But the reality of the matter is easy to forget. The truth is, 70% of first time teenage moms who place their children for adoption, change their minds at some point during the process, up to and including after birth. The lawyer made it very clear to me, that it's a volatile situation and very high risk. It's hard putting yourself out there when you know the odds are against you, but faith, hope and desire prevail, and the cold hard facts fall to the way side.
While I am certainly a gambling women who attempted a few fertility treatments to no avail, I am also a woman of faith. I'm not perfect, there are times when I need to be reminded who's calling the shots here. Regardless of how much faith I have, it can still be frightening. So while I remain cautiously optimistic and faith filled, a good ole reality check for all of us is necessary from time to time. He may call the shots here, but it seems in our case, it's only 30% of the time that He chooses to place the child. When the odds aren't stacked in your favor, it's best to choose Faith over Fear.
However as one wise friend said, there is a difference in fear and discernment. Sometimes you just have to use good judgement and be fully aware of the possibilities.
As we get closer to the due date, I definitely find myself feeling more vulnerable. We are all more vested and just like with anything new that we really want, the risk of getting hurt creeps in. For those of us who believe, we surge forward regardless of the possibility of getting hurt. But it's not always easy..."why don't you just adopt" seems logical, but I can assure you, only those who are fully aware of the odds and believe that God will protect your hurt are willing to take the gamble. So here we are, over half way there and waiting with bated breath.