Everyone Knows

It's official, everyone knows we are "expecting". It's pretty exciting, I get so much thrill telling everyone, even strangers. I realize some people might find it risky to share with so much time ahead of us yet and the possibility of Halie changing her mind....but I have been waiting 4 years for this day to come, and I am going to experience the joy that comes along with it. Even if it is temporary, I don't care. As it stands today, we are going to have a baby in December and everybody knows! (And if we missed anyone, they certainly will know soon too)

Halie's mom and I continue to bond daily. She is the kind of person I would want to be friends with even if we didn't come together for this baby. I really envision them being extended family. I couldn't have asked for a better situation. It's like God custom designed and hand crafted this situation just for us. 

Thinking back to our failed IVF in late November, this never would have happened, we wouldn't be here today if it had worked. I would be very pregnant and highly doubt I would have considered adoption. It's a good thing that He is our author and knew what He was doing, because I might have screwed up this beautiful NY Times best seller story, with a mediocre story that never made it to print.

I went back and viewed our IVF journey video....it still brings tears to my eyes....but it's easier to watch for some reason. At the end, I stated that I knew God had bigger plans for us, that Faith is believing in what you can't yet see. I had Faith. It's not always easy, it can be challenging, but without Faith I would have been overcome with sadness, anger, hopelessness and fear. That just never felt or
sounded appealing to me. We really do have a choice in how we live our lives. It can be filled with
Faith, or Fear...but they cannot coexist. I didn't always choose faith, I allowed infertility to consume
me for many years. It was exhausting. It was painful. It was lonely.

Today I have a full heart. An amazing husband who has been such a rock through this journey. He has watched me struggle, and I cannot imagine how hard that was. As a wife, I know that seeing my husband hurt or grieve, if even for a minute, breaks my heart. Thinking back to all that he endured, his own feelings and then still being there for me, what incredible strength that must have taken. Every day I realize more and more what an amazing man he is. I keep learning new things about him even after all these years, and as we peel back the layers, it just keeps getting juicier and juicier! There's some pretty impressive qualities at the core of his being. I realize what an inspiration he has been, he has never lost faith. He has always accepted and embraced whatever unfolded in our lives. He never feared what could've been, or what might never be. At times that was misconstrued as him not caring, how could something so big mean so little?! That was never the case...he just never sweat the small stuff. He never let the day to day details suck him in. He knew in his heart that everything was going to be ok. And, guess what?! It is. 

In 5 short months our baby will be coming home to us. There's lots to prepare for, yet it's frightening to get to far ahead of yourselves. I don't think I want to hold back anymore, I did for too many years. I can't make decisions based on fear. I believe if God has lead us this far, then He will continue to guide us and protect us. So we surge ahead.

A few weeks ago I was bursting at the seams with joy, wanting to spread it with everyone who has been prayerful for us. I think it's only fair that you get to experience the joyful news after all of your prayers! And today, finally everybody knows! I am a proud momma to be. 

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