Tuesday, June 25, 2013

It Feels Like Surrogacy

Gestational Surrogacy is when a couple uses a third party to physically carry their child. The baby is from the couples genetics,  the surrogate, is basically the vessel that allows the child to camp out for 9 months. Traditional surrogacy, the women is the genetic mother but she is inseminated with sperm. For some couples these choices are their only option….as the female is unable to either use her own eggs and/or carry to full term for different medical reasons.  Obviously, adoption is when you adopt someone else’s child, that is genetically theirs.

As we go through the adoption process,  almost since the beginning, it feels as though Haile is our surrogate. Now technically she is not, it is her and the baby’s father genetic child, not ours. However I feel like it’s our child in her tummy. And not in creepy, "hand that rocks the cradle", kind of way. More like a way that I feel like this child was created specifically for us, and it's already ours, she just happens to be carrying it. Now for the record,  I realize it’s not legally our baby, I realize it’s Haile’s baby right now….but I suppose because of the way this situation manifested, (which was brilliantly, I might add) it just feels like Haile was handpicked to carry our child. By God ?! By the baby? Perhaps! But I will tell you, prior to me ever even sharing these thoughts I have had several friends tell me this feels more like a surrogacy arrangement versus an adoption.

I really do believe that being involved in the pregnancy from within a week of when she initially found out she was pregnant, makes it feel more like a surrogacy situation as well.  Being at all of the appointments has been such an incredible blessing. Aside from the physical aspects of pregnancy, there’s really not much I am missing out on. Haile and her mom are giving me all the decision making powers. From choosing doctors, tests, hospital, gender reveal, baby name, you name it - the ball is my court. It’s as though I am experiencing the pregnancy myself, albeit vicariously through her.

There have been so many details about this adoption that have been perfect from day one. I could probably write for days about how flawlessly this situation was hand crafted for us.  At one point in my journey, pre Haile days,  I felt very sorry for myself…that everyone was getting to have a pregnancy but me….I was so sad and disappointed that I would never get to experience  everything that goes along with it. But today, my perspective has changed. Yes, I still do mourn that a little bit, but to be able to witness Haile’s pregnancy first hand….it feels incredible, I feel so very privileged  and blessed beyond words. She is the vessel God chose to make our dreams of having a family come true.


  1. Hoping that the process goes smoothly for you.

  2. I wish you all the best, may you go through the process fine. I'm writing a blog too about surrogacy and adoption. Hope I'll mention about this blog there as I'm noting down some points from here.

    Thanks for sharing the information.
    Kunik Goel
    Surrogacy India