Saturday, June 1, 2013

Halie's Gift

I decided to create a Facebook Page for close friends and family members. My intent is to keep you updated throughout our adoption process. The blog will host posts with more thorough content and the Facebook page will allow me to spew random or miscellaneous thoughts, photos and quick updates. As you can see, the name of the page is Halie's Gift. So simple, yet so profound. I don't think it's possible to receive any gift greater than that of child. Infertility or not, a child is a blessing. Being given the gift of raising someone else's child is probably the greatest honor of all. There's lots of trust, belief, and love involved. Imagine what it takes to trust someone else with your baby or child for a few hours. Now imagine a lifetime.

Haile and I have been spending time together. I want her to be confident that she has made the right decision by choosing Frank and I to be her baby's parents. Bonding is an essential part of the open adoption process, at least as far as Halie's family and I are concerned. When you adopt through an agency, they usually match the birth mom and adoptive parents around 7 months into her pregnancy. I just couldn't imagine missing all of this precious time with Haile during her pregnancy. Not just to get to know her, but to get to experience the pregnancy with her first hand.

One of the things I had to grieve with infertility, was the ability to experience a pregnancy for myself. To know what it felt like to have another life growing inside you. To feel the physical changes, the baby kicking, the body changing. While I might not get to experience that aspect of the pregnancy, there's so much more I will enjoy during this open adoption process. I took Haile to her first doctor appointment and will bring her to the rest of them. I got to see the baby moving around inside her belly and hear the heartbeat. She is currently 12 weeks and 4 days and her official due date is now December 9th. We will soon pick the hospital she will deliver in. We will also choose what tests she will take, if and when we do a gender scan. Haile's mom has given me full permissions to make all of the decisions and "own" the pregnancy with Haile. It's thrilling, really. Some of it is a little nerve wrecking, I am faced with decisions that I never thought I would be, or at very least for myself, not for another person! Having another woman carrying your soon to be child adds a whole other dimension to the decision making process. I am not only considering what is best for Frank and I as parents, and the baby of course, but what is also in Haile's best interest. That's a lot of people to consider coming from different sides of the continuum.

Jeremiah 1:5: Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart;
Some days I am still in shock that this is actually happening. It just seems so surreal. I find myself smiling often and pondering all of the fun experiences I will get to experience now, ones that I thought were just buried dreams. Nursery room, child care, family vacations!, oh my!

I think the part I love most about this journey is how effortless it has been. Everything just fell into our laps. No paperwork, no profiles, no long drawn out processes. Everything has been so simple. I didn't even have to search for a lawyer, that was handed to me as well. And not only has it been easy, but God constantly reminds and assures us we are on the right path. As each and every detail unfolds, there is clear evidence of Gods hands in all of this. For example, when I pulled up to Halie's appointment and discovered her doctor was in the same medical building as our a infertility doctor. I always felt good energy when I went there and it made me believe I was going to bring home a baby. When that didn't happen, I was more than disappointed. But maybe I wasn't so wrong, maybe my intuition and good vibes weren't so far off! God knew all along I was going to bring home a baby from there....I just never imagined this would be how it would happen.

When I entered into the infertility trenches, I was surrounded by many women of faith who inspired me. I always felt as though they handled their journeys with Grace, and that's what I aspired to be, a woman of faith who knew that if she just let go of the reigns and trusted in God, He would not disappoint. And it was then that the struggle ended. I embraced the path we were on and knew no matter what, our lives were good and we would be happy and fulfilled regardless of how that looked.  It was only then, that our world would get turned upside down, yet again.

If you are in a season of waiting, no matter what it is you a waiting for...know that your time will come. It may not be in the way you planned, or even how you envisioned it, it might not be on your timeline, but it will be. Just surround yourself with believers. Stay in close company with those who speak blessings over you and are prayerful for you. Keep the dream alive in your heart. Be committed but not attached. And then sit back and watch something very miraculous unfold. 


  1. Oh my gosh, all your posts make me cry! You are such a beautiful person! I knew deep down in my heart that a baby would come to you guys. You are already a mommy!! How amazing that you get to be so involved - this early on! What a beautiful little baby!!!! Aww, I just have chills. I am so happy for you!!! God is good!

  2. I am so excited for you! Wishing you many blessings in the next several weeks as you wait for your arms to be filled at last :)

  3. So excited for you! We didnt know about Avalyn until she was born. This bonding time with the birthmom will be wonderful!

  4. This is absolutely beautiful. Congratulations!

    P.S. - I wish I had 1/4 of your faith...